I'm going to write about something that is impossible to say. And I mean quite literally impossible. Even the writing of it -- and your reading -- will capture only a glimpse of what I am communicating, though I will write quite a lot of words in order to provide the right context to that tiny glimpse. Even with all the context and lead-up, you'll need to look into that fragment with discernment to cipher out what I'm really saying. At that point it will be clear what I'm saying here, that it is impossible to say.
Before we get into the technicalities here, I want you to know: everything here is written sincerely from the heart. There are no tricks, satire, or hidden motives involved. I've been working for years to refine these words internally before I gained the confidence to write such a difficult thing to write. I started many drafts in my mind. For almost all readers, I will fail at the task. However, some will have already come to a similar understanding on their own. These will read with the same earnestness with which I write. For those, we should be able to meet in the middle and communication will happen. For all others, even just a clearer sense of the residual context will be helpful, for example, in understanding the words of Wittgenstein, who once labored to communicate the same thing yet failed, at least within his own generation.
Notwithstanding the fail, he, and Tolstoy before him, laid a foundation for others to relate to, which turned some people a little closer to the elusive truth, which we'll explore below. Because what I am saying is impossible to say, in order for you to hear me, you will need to listen quite carefully and triangulate deeper into what I'm saying -- beyond what is clearly being said on the surface -- into what is not being said.
In simplest form, I'm writing about listening, but I mean a form of listening about which nothing can be said. Although the word listening is not quite correct it is perhaps the closest to what is meant; the word being also comes close, in a different way. However, this aspect of being has connatations which draw from Eastern-style meditation that can lead you away from what I'm not saying unless you are carefully... listening.
It is a form of listening in a manner which speaks volumes -- and therefore it is a form of speaking also. But as a form of speaking, it is more like doing than speaking, which circles back toward being. In other words it is a whole communication system which functions much the same as words, but uses no words.
Although this may sound nonsensical, I'm being simple when I say: To say anything about this form of communication is to create an illusion which is being spoken, because the reality simply cannot be put into words. In other words, it's a form of listening which can be taught only by listening, and saying is not listening.
You'll know it when you see it, but seeing it won't mean that you know it
I've already echoed something Wittgenstein once wrote, so I'll be explicit at this point: What I'm saying here "can only be properly and fully understood by someone who has already arrived at the same understanding independently." To others, these words will seem elusive, wordy, pointless, vague, needlessly obscure, that kind of thing.
There is a small chance you can achieve the aim of inner comprehension by reading what is written here twice -- the first time, learning intellectually what is being said, overlooking nonsensical paradoxes which might frustrate, and wondering, then going away and thinking, meditating, puzzling, even hungering to understand what is being said. Basically, you'll bring that intellectual "mind" understanding into your "heart" by this step. This could take days, weeks, even years. Certainly not less than a day, as it's the kind of quiet inward insight that arrives after sleeping on a matter overnight, letting your subconscious work on it in its own unwordless way, before the veil begins to part.
After such yearning and contemplating all the tiny clues written here, you'll begin to be able to piece together what is not being said, to understand what I'm getting at. Then, after having the first inklings of the new truth within you, you can come back and read again what is written, finally understanding what is being said and why it is impossible to say, yet so important to be understood.
Beyond the faint hope of that small chance -- which requires real effort on your part -- I cannot think of a way to engender this truth in another person using words. Wittgenstein did a better job than me, and he failed, so I'm not operating with a lot of hope for success here. This is no idle opinion, but one forged through years of much study, which the successful reader will recognize is woven into the nature of these words, beginning with how I started with an outright paradox: "I'm going to write about something that is impossible to say."
With that line, I was intentionally seeking to route through layers of inhibition within you, which are there to protect your subconscious awareness from being manipulated by information which approaches from this present angle. The paradox is both plainly and simply saying what is true -- as will hopefully become clear -- and also an intentional signal which awakens a part of your subconscious awareness, which begins contemplating more closely what you are reading. With that admission, you might say this is neurolinguistic programming, but only in the sense that is true for all sincere communication.
Your subconscious is the doorway to your heart, and it is protected by many layers of inhibitory pattern recognition in your mind for a reason. By the way, you should know, as you're looking for clues, you will need to look deeper than the superficial difference between "write" and "say" in that opening paradoxical statement. They basically mean the same thing for the purposes here. This is not a mere word game that you will solve easily like that.
What I am talking about here is meaningful and important, indeed one of the most important things that can ever be said -- if it could be said -- the lack of which has been the root cause of a ludicrous amount of pain and suffering throughout centuries of history, and the presence of which would have alleviated all that suffering, if only people could have understood what it is that is being said here... which is impossible to say.
"One of the most important things that can ever be said" and "ludicrous amount of pain and suffering" are rather strong statements. But they're true. For others to understand what I'm saying will bring the end of an empire and reveal the existence of a better one hidden beneath all along. This is not metaphorical or exaggerated for effect; I mean a real empire, encompassing the globe for centuries, bringing great suffering into the lives of millions. Of course, it has also brought many blessings which make it attractive and compelling, as empires do. Thus it has spread far and wide. The "good side" appears to compensate -- to balance -- the well-documented suffering, which sadly continues to this day. But it has gone on so long, at this point in history, the accumulated suffering is greater than the gift.
It's been a century since Wittgenstein tried. I've been studying articles written by and about him for a few years now and have yet to see anyone who understood what he was saying. Or rather, what he didn't say. There may be others out there who got it, but they're not easy to find, and they should be. I figure someone ought to try again, so here we are.
How what is said is not what is heard
No one can speak about how to end the problem in a way that is actually effective. Individuals who through hard effort find this truth are unable to communicate it in any ordinary way. This is because those who are outside the empire -- which is where they put themselves by seeing the emperor's nakedness -- are utterly ignored. As happens with outcasts in any group, nothing they say or do can be heard as it is; whatever is said is always replaced in the hearer's minds by the empire's version of the same words. This is all that can be heard, and the hearer thinks that is what was said. Communication appears to happen but it doesn't.
I'll show you with an example how this works:
Consider a beggar who sincerely asks for food, versus a beggar who has plenty of food but is pretending to ask for food in order to get money to buy some addictive drug. A mature person who engages with the sincere beggar may quite reasonably assess the sincere request as a fake request and decline to give money to enable a drug habit. However, a child, not knowing how such things work, may hear the exact same request and want to help... but may also end up helping someone create a lot of pain for themselves and others.
The child will assume he has done the right thing, and only years later realize that he needs to be more careful in such circumstance. The mature person replaces the begger's request for food in his mind with a request for drugs, declines, and moves on. The child believes a lie and responds by giving what is wanted, not what is needed.
This is an example, but the point should be clear: In this same way, everything the outcast of any empire says gets immediately replaced with another version of the same thing in the minds of those who hear. This is built in to the way we process information, the way herd animals process information. If you do not do this, you will outcast yourself and incrementally lose all the "good" of the empire while still receiving all the "bad": the pain and suffering which is usually hidden by the presence of the good.
But that was just a simple example of something everyone knows. Because it happens within conscious awareness, everyone can relate. What I'm talking about here is more subtle and originates within subconscious awareness. Thus it happens even faster, and outside of conscious awareness. It just happens.
The point is, whoever is outside the empire is part of what is unspeakable within the empire. They suffer daily, and have been for centuries, while no one within the empire cares -- or at least, not in a way that ends the cruelty of the empire.
Yes, there are those who care -- in ways that weaken the empire, but this is not enough.
To weaken is not to end. Like antibiotics which cause germs to grow stronger if they are not used as directed, weakening the empire ineffectively will actually make it grow stronger. So it must end absolutely. There are exactly two ways to do this: to end it from within, as could theoretically happen with these present words if enough people encounter them, or to end it from without, which we've already said will happen without words.
Ending this empire from without (via a competing empire) is already underway, but this path comes with a far more terrible, even catastrophic, ending because empires fight every inch of the way if they can see or hear the enemy. If you are at all aware of the world events these days, you understand this is already under way, even though I'm being intentionally vague, and even if you haven't seen it in this specific form yet. We all sense the world is changing in a bigger and deeper way than it has for a long time, and almost everyone who is able to think soberly is looking into the future with some element of dread for what is coming.
The kinder way is to end it from within... but it is far less likely to happen. In the tiny chance that it can be done, I am writing. With these seemingly-vague but actually clear examples, I hope you're beginning to see the need for much care in preparing you to understand what it is that cannot be said.
These words are written in a way which is seemingly of no consequence to the empire, yet, for those who are listening, they can be effective toward their aim to end the empire. I write to you from within the empire, but as you can see, this is an essay which is easily ignored. In order to hear me, you must bring as much to this written page as I am, not simply reading and forgetting, but bringing it alive in your life somehow, even as I have. There is some hard work involved, and of the few who encounter these words, fewer will put in the effort. Those who see and extend the labor into other realms, even as I saw what Wittgenstein did and am extending it into these words, will be fewer still. Maybe no one. Maybe only one. We'll see.
Much ado about nothing
The empire may not be what you're thinking; there is likely an overlap with the image you have in mind as you read these words, but the specific aspect of the empire which can be ended by reading and understanding these words -- and therefore learning how to listen with all your heart -- is at the core of many overlapping imperial structures: physical, psychological, legal, and so forth. When these words succeed, you will be astonished to see how much else in the imperial cluster is exposed by the mere art of listening deeply. If "the pen is mightier than the sword" and it is, you can see how language carries much power even though seemingly harmless.
I want to enlarge your idea of the empire at an abstract level so you can discern better how it works, because once you see this, you will understand how important are these words. For example, once you understand what I mean by talking about the empire, you will agree the empire should have ended long ago, which is likely just an idle speculation for you now.
But alas, because of how impossible it is to say certain things, it has imperially marched onward, carrying a darkness which has now grown to the point of nearly destroying the earth. This is not exaggerated. Yes, it is true, the earth has suffered from the weight of many previous empires which have come and gone through the ages, but the planet has finally met its match: the earth is literally going to die if we don't find a way to stop this empire from spreading like the cancer that it is. But much experience has proven one thing if nothing else: the empire cannot be stopped by any means which can be written, or said, or communicated within the normal range of experience. Fighting it makes it stronger. Surrendering to it does too. It seems impossible to end.
Thankfully, there is a way out. I write from a position of knowing this with experience, not theory as most people bring to this conversation. We have to enlarge our understanding of communication in order to speak even the faintest details of the way out, hidden in cryptic clues throughout an essay like this one. This can be done more efficiently, but I do not know how to do that yet; this is the best I have right now. I cannot imagine someone actually speaking the insight in these words -- if it's impossible to write them, it's double impossible to say them. Speaking is intrinsic to the way this empire spreads, and writing is enough like speaking that it is much the same. But at least with writing there is a degree of quiet involved, which turns out to be key, because, remember, we're talking about listening. Or being.
Our deal with the devil which we don't even know we made
If you already understand what I'm talking about, as very few will, you already understand the empire has power within you, and you both suffer and participate in allowing others to suffer because you do not understand how to disengage from it. If you do not already understand what I'm talking about, you, like most people, will find these words elusive and increasingly tedious. It will be easier for you to walk away and go back to your role in the empire, than to face the truth of your complicity and the hard work within yourself required to get free. Much easier to scoff and carry on.
If I achieve my purpose here in conveying to you what is impossible to say -- of achieving the impossible -- then you will succeed in withdrawing from the empire. If only one person does this, the effort of writing these words will be worth it, though I fully expect almost everyone who reads these words to either miss the point or fail at trying to get free because of a lack of courage in certain areas. That lack of courage is an unfortunate side effect of some of the abundance and blessings that come with believing in the empire. The seeming "good" side of it carries a poison to courage which very few understand.
Note that if I do succeed, because it is so hard to do this, with such a victory delivered, if you are like most people, you will feel compelled to share your liberation with others. However, you will find it difficult to do so. Then you will understand why I have written such a long essay in order to say something which would be very simple and easy to say -- if it could be said. If you can write this essay shorter without losing the essential ingredients, I wish you well, please have at it.
However, before you dive in unprepared, you should know I tried for more than two decades to do this. I failed hundreds of times, each time earnestly seeking to write what is carried in these words here, and completely failing, before a better way was shown to me in small increments over a course of more than two years, and I finally got it. I now know why all the other attempts failed. I finally understood what is impossible to say in a manner that revealed I actually understood with my heart, not just my mind, which had figured it out intellectually twenty five years earlier and many times again, in many flavors, between then and now. I'll touch on some of those experiences so you can see how earnestly I tried, because some of you will relate.
I know now: Knowing what I'm saying intellectually is not enough. You will know this in your heart before you truly understand it, and knowing something in your heart changes you forever, whereas knowing something intellectually doesn't necessarily change you. For those two decades I was learning about what is impossible to say, and then finally I wrote these words. So before you dive into condensing what I'm saying here, please make sure you really do understand a better way, otherwise you'll may end up adding fuel to the fire instead of water. This is likely what I've done here, but nevertheless, it is in hope that I write anyway.
I'd love to see if this could be written in more simple form, because having that would bring more people out of the empire. But time is short and growing shorter every day. We have to work with what we have, being okay with good enough instead of perfect.
Because I know how very difficult it has been to get to the point where I can write these words, my guess is that you will take the wisdom that comes with hearing what I'm saying, and say nothing more. You'll join the growing number of people who quietly understand and began listening with the heart instead of the mind. You won't act on your evangelical impulse -- restraining yourself in a way that feels awkward at first, but you'll also understand why you're doing it that way. It will be enough to know you're free from the empire, the cancer, which is destroying itself because it cannot listen, and you'll do the only thing you need to do to remain free, which is to listen with your heart in a way that doesn't need words. Everything else is optional.
Let's try this from another angle
When I first started writing this article, I had a whole beginning, middle, and end in mind, but I no longer know if I can capture the end. Instead, I've found another way to say what I'm trying to say here, and which I feel is not working.
If you take what I've written til now, and segue into the following example, you'll see something that you likely would not have seen if you just encountered the video I'm going to point you to. A few of the comments to this video get what's happening, but most just enjoy the music and don't have context to appreciate the point I've been elusively making here.
So let's look at another way of saying what I'm trying to say here.
In this video, Mississippi Fred McDowell is singing "When I lay my burden down," and from time to time, his voice fades out and the guitar takes over the same melody, as though his guitar is able to communicate the soulful blue lyrics better than his voice. You can see it most clearly at the end of the song, at about 1:30, his voice stops in the middle of a sentence, and the guitar carries the rest of the lyric to the end of the video. This is a way of singing the blues, where the singer and the guitar are so intimately entertwined, that they become one. I first got a clue to this form of blues from a video of Lightnin' Hopkins, where he explicitly shows how the guitar is making the sound of his soul, capturing the voices and conversation between characters when his words cease. But here, McDowell does it even more clearly:
Mississippi Fred McDowell - When I Lay My Burden Down
In another video, he explains this kind of singing/guitaring is "his style."
Mississippi Fred McDowell: Baby Please Don't Go
You'll know you get what I'm saying when you undersand "When I lay my burden down" is beautifully ironic, considering the context I've built here.